Our Journey Towards Faith, Part 2

One symptom of Multiple Sclerosis is the gradual loss of motor control as the nervous system loses its ability to send and receive messages with the rest of the body; signals from the brain to the muscles are short-circuited, rerouted, and eventually not received at all. Dave first started noticing a slight drag in his step in 2001, and by 2004, he was stumbling often; he required the help of a coworker to complete the physical aspects of his work, and he would take a nap in his car in the employee parking garage every day. His employer and coworkers were amazingly supportive, but it wasn’t fair to them for David to continue working in that way, so we decided to look at other options for the financial support of our family. The decision to quit Dave’s job came shortly after the MS diagnosis and during the time when we were starting to change our perspectives about how the world works. Was our belief that “anything other than a stable, secure 9-5 job is too risky and doomed to fail” putting us in a self-fulfilling prophecy situation? Were we creating failure for ourselves simply because we held that belief?

The next couple of years were fun, and scary, and peaceful all at the same time. We were learning about herbal remedies, energy healing, hypnotherapy, and other alternative healing methods; we learned about real estate, network marketing, the stock market, and other types of investments. And as we broadened our perspectives about the worlds of health and finance, we found a common undertone that continually piqued our interest. The idea that the course of our lives isn’t strictly decided by God or by fate, but that we have the opportunity to partner with God in creating our own lives was showing up time after time.

It seemed that God was using Dave’s illness as a tool to break us out of the closed-mindedness of our current beliefs. This didn’t mean that our beliefs or ideas about life were completely incorrect, but we were no longer afraid to take a look at them and how they were affecting our lives, and, with God’s help, make necessary changes. Once we opened ourselves up to different perspectives on medicine and finances, we found it relatively easy to consider alternative approaches to many other aspects of our lives.

So, HOW does self-fulfilling prophecy work? Is there a process that I can follow to change the life that I’m creating for myself? How does the belief that one is “stupid” create poor grades in school? How does this relate to placebos and laughter in treating sickness, or does it? And what does this mean for David’s health and our family finances? David and I spent several years, much study, prayer, and soul-searching, along with a lot of trial and error, in learning how the process works.

More on how it works next time. J

Our Journey Towards Faith, Part 1

Ten years ago, my husband David was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. At the time, Dave was still walking and functioning generally well, although he stumbled occasionally and grew fatigued from any slight exertion. Before the diagnosis, God had assured him that his physical challenges were only temporary and that he would be well again. This promise wasn't surprising because we knew that God could heal people, but I still questioned my faith in God when the doctor told me of the MS diagnosis. I didn't know much about MS, but I did know there wasn't a cure for it, and that the eventual result, in all cases, is death. Dave handled it much better than I did; he was very matter-of-fact about it, “There are only three options: one, the doctor is wrong, and it’s not MS; two, it is MS, but a cure will be discovered; and three, it is MS, and God, who created our bodies, knows how to fix it and can make me well.”

The current treatments for MS were anti-inflammatories and pain killers which were used for treating the cycles of intense pain common to most MS patients. But Dave had none of this pain, only a gradual, but consistent, loss of control over his muscles. Dave’s illness didn't fit the mold that his doctors were accustomed to, and they didn't know how to treat him. More than once, he was told that there was nothing that could be done for him. This was very frustrating to both of us, but the lack of pain, along with the hope in God’s blessing, allowed us to look beyond the standard treatments and turn to God for answers, direction, and ideas.  God was very gently showing us that, if we would trust Him, He would show us other options besides the limited perspectives we had had. This was the beginning of our journey, our education in matters of faith. Only we didn't know that it was faith we were learning until much later.

 

David at Disneyland in 2004 - His first wheelchair experience.

When I was in college, my psychology instructor taught about a concept called “self-fulfilling prophecy” or the “Pygmalion Effect.” One example my instructor used to describe this was that of a teacher telling a student that he will never be successful because he is stupid; the student starts to think that he’s stupid, and thus, he doesn’t do well in school and doesn’t accomplish anything purposeful with his life. That made sense to me at the time, but I didn’t do anything with it besides filing it away in the back of my mind.

After David’s diagnosis, the idea of self-fulfilling prophecy was brought to my attention again; everywhere we turned, there were references to this idea: A friend recommended a book, we stumbled across a website, my brother asked our opinion about something he’d heard. We finally figured that maybe God was trying to tell us something, so we started actively exploring and researching the power of a person’s beliefs and thoughts to affect change in his life and to determine the person he would become. I thought that if our beliefs create our reality, then maybe, by changing the way we think, we could also change our reality. If the “stupid” student starts to believe that he’s actually smart and capable, his results will change; he will earn better grades and change the course of his life. I liked that thought.

David and I started to question whether some of our thoughts and beliefs were correct or if they were based on incorrect assumptions (made by ourselves, our parents, or other authorities in our lives). Some of these beliefs were:

- Only doctors who are licensed to practice traditional Western medicine can effectively treat illness and injury. Everyone else is a quack (including chiropractors, acupuncturists, herbalists, etc.). This is also true for any medications that aren’t prescribed by licensed doctors who practice traditional Western medicine.

- There is nothing I can do about the challenges or trials in my life; it’s the will of God, it’s my lot in life, and I should just endure it and hope to learn something from it.

- There are a lot of great things I want to do, but I can’t because I don’t have enough money (or education or experience).

- God doesn't want me to have money; it’s dangerous to have money because money is the root of all evil, and I might become prideful and damn myself.

- Suffering is just part of life. If we don’t suffer, we can’t be happy.

- This is the way everyone does it, the way it’s always been done, so it must be right.

- It’s not right for me to want something different; I should be happy with what I have, after all, there are starving people in China.

What if those belief statements are inaccurate or even blatantly false? Can I change them? If it works for the “stupid” student, will it work for me also? We decided to try it – to change our way of thinking.  We asked God to help us separate the true beliefs from the mere traditions, and we gradually started to become aware of different options and to make changes in our perspectives.

I’m going to stop here for today and call this Part 1. Watch for more of Our Journey Towards Faith in Part 2. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts about what I've posted so far.

My First Blog Post is a Disclaimer? Ugh!

I’ve been trying to decide how to begin this blog. I’m both a perfectionist and a grammar geek, though not to a fault in either case. My first inclination is to plan exactly what I want to say then write and rewrite it until I have a perfectly crafted blog post with perfect spelling, grammar, and punctuation, that flows cohesively from beginning paragraph to ending, like an essay for a literature class. That’s the way I’ve always written, but I’m concerned that if I stick to that plan, I’ll over-analyze it, tweak it to death, and never publish a single blog post. That’s how I handled my previous blog; I’ve never written a single post, and no one even knows it’s out there. So, I’m going to take a deep breath and jump in without having all of my ducks in a row, without knowing exactly what I’m going to say, and let the “not to a fault” part of my perfectionist brain take over. In a very real sense, I’ll be using that same faith that is the subject of this blog to write this blog. Good heavens! I’ve reread that sentence several times wondering if it makes sense, and trying to decide if I can leave it alone.  <<Not to a fault…not to a fault…deep breath>>  I’ll be writing with faith, trusting that what I write, though not perfect,  will be perfect for you. After all, faith includes taking the necessary action even if we don’t know how it will turn out.

So, I will write from my mind and from my heart. I’ll share things as I learn them with the hope that you’ll share also. If I have an idea or opinion about faith that doesn’t feel right to you, please tell me your thoughts. I’m still learning, and I may have interpreted something incorrectly. Also, if you have some ideas or understandings about faith that I haven’t discovered yet, please share that as well.